Saturday, May 24, 2008

Epic Winz, Epic Failz

My head's spinning. This week feels as though it's lasted a year, and I can barely tell which way's up as I write - although this may be because of the bottle of wine I've had to consume whilst being assaulted by the annual horrors of the Eurovision Song Contest. (Love the music, hate the voting... more on that later.) It's been a week so full of triumphs and disasters that I could have mistaken it for a seven-day ride on the Big One at Blackpool. Here goes.

EPIC FAIL #1: my last performance exam

As you know, the performance module has been my biggest bugbear all year, and this final exam was no exception. It's been fairly rough all round this time, what with the change of venue (to the one place I'm not welcome - how convenient) and the mass panic surrounding everyone's last hurrah. I figured I'd make things simple for myself, playing some old songs of mine with my excellent buddy Ben by my side.

Heck no at all. Firstly, my exam slot was moved from mid-show Thursday to first thing Monday - essentially opening the whole four-day tunefest. Less rehearsal time, condensed panic time. I was a nervous wreck on Monday morning. Secondly, our tutors failed to inform us that instead of observing from the back of the venue like normal, they'd have a desk RIGHT UP FRONT. Consequence? I just could not stop my knees from shaking for the entire twenty-minute set. Every time I hit a note I thought was dodgy, I only had to look up slightly to see them scribbling it down - which only made it worse, which turned it all into a disaster. Luckily, very few people were there to see me throw away my last chance at a first.

EPIC WIN #1: my last assignment

After getting hideously drunk to banish the shame, I had one more task before I could celebrate properly - the business logbook. Now, I've actually enjoyed this project. I've had a giggle being project manager to four boys who were never going to listen to me in the first place, and writing up this logbook to cover our project was amazingly easy compared to that last assignment. Even at 3am with double vision, I was still typing merrily away (and making sense too!). So, at 10am on Tuesday morning, I handed in my last university assignment. There was no fanfare, no celebration. Nobody else from the course was in, so I just went home and went back to bed to briefly nurse my hangover.

EPIC FAIL #2: Ma and Pook steal the bacon

I was rudely awoken by Pook on the phone: "We're coming up!" No advance warning, just thirty seconds in which to hoist myself out of bed and make my awkward way to the front door to let them in. Now, I know they're family and they're here to complete our Mission Improbable - to get Pook and I a flat and employment - but they can be hard work to look after, especially when you're poor and don't have much food. Bacon butties and brews* on demand are fine, but not when they're coming out of your own limited supplies. And what happened when I asked for a butty and brew of my own? I got whinged at. So much for this being "our" mission.

EPIC WIN #2: jobs for the girls

But for all the lack of ceremony (and bacon), Tuesday didn't turn out half bad. The Arndale branch of Pook's old workplace was looking to hire new folk, so with a little luck Pook might get her old job back. (We've not heard back yet, but hope is important in these things.) Meanwhile I handed mine into an agency, who wanted me to sign up online so I could get myself a better chance of employment. The next morning I dutifully uploaded my CV, filled out my profile, and got to applying to as many positions as I liked the look of. I'm not fussy at the moment - I just need some cash, you know?

EPIC WIN #3: in which a party happens

Pook and Ma had hopped back to Shropshire for a couple of days at this point, so I went to a barbecue on campus with some of my fellow muso-types. Not much to be said for this one - good food, good tunes, good times. The usual end-of-year fare. I came home seeing double for the second time this week. Hope the parties don't dry up now that I've been cast into the big wide world.

EPIC FAIL #3: illness strikes

Thursday morning started with a sniffle. I didn't think much of it, at first - I was having too much fun (heh) sending off emails to potential employers and calling potential landlords to view their flats. In two hours of searching, I lined up three viewings for next week. Not bad... but after those two hours, something wasn't right. I was aching all over and the sneezes had me bad. So I went back to bed, called Pook and told her to get me some Lemsip, and finished watching Escaflowne once and for all.

And what sympathy did I get for my condition? None whatsoever. When Ma and Pook finally arrived, the demands for brews and butties started all over again. Never mind the fact that I now had to haul ass to uni for the final roll call (I was on packdown duty for the gigs - failure to attend would mean failing the module), and that I could barely see for sneezing.

But I sucked it up. After coming back from an hour and a half of shifting gear and making my excuses to my buddies for not coming out for drinks afterwards, I was kept up until 2am because Ma was busy on my computer doing research for her family tree. I hope she catches my cold.

EPIC WIN #4: oh hai can i haz job plz?

Before the sneezes took hold of me that Thursday, I got a call offering me an interview for a management training scheme offered by a marketing firm in town. Now that I know I can do management, I was all for that. So the interview was scheduled for Friday. Now, this was all well and good, but between my cold and the ongoing disappearance of my bacon, I honestly didn't know if I was up for it. But, trooper that I am, I sucked it up once more, downed as much Lemsip as I could take, got my best pinstripe suit on and marched on into town.

I had no idea what to expect when I went in, but I came out grinning like a Cheshire cat. Why? Because the guy that interviewed me used to live in Japan. When he saw that I had "Japanese culture" down on my CV as one of my interests, I talked solid otaku for a good five minutes. Result being, I got a call a few hours later offering me a training day and a second interview. Cold be damned!

EPIC WIN #5: groupie status

Now, I'd promised Pook and Ma that I'd take them to see Twilight Robin eventually, and Friday night was the perfect opportunity. They were playing at just one of the many venues involved in the Maps festival, and when we arrived I'd never seen the Dry Bar looking so full.

Successful job interviews and graduation from university aside, there comes a point in a person's life when you realise your crowning achievement. Friends, my moment came after our boys came offstage. I'd been dutifully holding Ben's beer for him - after saving my ass on Monday, it was the freakin' least I could do - so when I found him to give it back to him, I asked him what I'd suspected for a while now.

"Am I a groupie?"
"Yeah."

I might have spent the past four years getting a music degree, but finally being awarded groupie status is the pinnacle of all my endeavours.

Pook and Ma loved the gig too, which always helps.

EPIC FAIL #4: Euroshambles

This part is a whole other post in itself, so I'll just leave you with the thought that it's about time the UK pulled out in protest over what should rightly be named the Eurovision Popularity Contest.

That brings us to today, which is an epic win in itself. I have nothing to do except that which I do best - nerd out. Got 'The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya' queued up in my player, just finished a chicken rogan josh, and for now I haven't got a care in the world. Here's to next week being just as insane.

*For those who don't speak Northern, a butty is a sandwich, and a brew is a cup of tea.